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Jan. 31st, 2013 02:54 am[Filter: Private]
In nearly a month it will be four years since I began my work with Erin. These were no help in determining that, of course. When it began I had no idea what I would find with her. I had no idea what I would find out about her. I had no idea that running for our lives through the jungles would bond us together. I only knew that I wanted to help her for my own benefit. I was so sure that it was the Church that wronged her. I was sure that the only way her husband would have gotten killed here was because the Church saw him as a threat.
I am still the man who offered to help her. I will not credit the Church for merely not being the cause this time. But the people who wronged her husband are far more like my own...
...
I don't think she loves me. It's strange to think of it that way. And perhaps I'm simply underestimating the Kilian drive to leave everything under the covers. She's still every bit the mystery to me as when she came, and she sees nothing wrong with that. I open myself up to her as far as I dare at every corner. If she were to ask me any question, I would answer it honestly. Even the worst questions. Perhaps I have more of those than one man should ever have. Still, I would tell her. I would open myself up like a book to her. I've never even come close to sensing the same from her. Not in that way. We'll share bodies, and we'll share passions, and we'll share ourselves empty of everything except love.
I could be misreading her, but I don't think I am. For the longest time I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Perhaps I still can't. She simply doesn't love me. Though, the advantages of age are already quite apparently. I do care that she doesn't love me, but not enough to break what is going so well. We bond physically and intellectually. If I'm the only one bonded emotionally ... well, more's the better for me.
Ha, and all of this ... That Dentorian confirmed everything. I will see truer dragons soon. I could never have imagined anything like this before I met her. My whole life seems to lead up to these moments that will happen in the next few days. Rescuing Megam, meeting true avatars of the Dragons ... going to Kilia?
All of this, and I can't ask for more.
In nearly a month it will be four years since I began my work with Erin. These were no help in determining that, of course. When it began I had no idea what I would find with her. I had no idea what I would find out about her. I had no idea that running for our lives through the jungles would bond us together. I only knew that I wanted to help her for my own benefit. I was so sure that it was the Church that wronged her. I was sure that the only way her husband would have gotten killed here was because the Church saw him as a threat.
I am still the man who offered to help her. I will not credit the Church for merely not being the cause this time. But the people who wronged her husband are far more like my own...
...
I don't think she loves me. It's strange to think of it that way. And perhaps I'm simply underestimating the Kilian drive to leave everything under the covers. She's still every bit the mystery to me as when she came, and she sees nothing wrong with that. I open myself up to her as far as I dare at every corner. If she were to ask me any question, I would answer it honestly. Even the worst questions. Perhaps I have more of those than one man should ever have. Still, I would tell her. I would open myself up like a book to her. I've never even come close to sensing the same from her. Not in that way. We'll share bodies, and we'll share passions, and we'll share ourselves empty of everything except love.
I could be misreading her, but I don't think I am. For the longest time I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Perhaps I still can't. She simply doesn't love me. Though, the advantages of age are already quite apparently. I do care that she doesn't love me, but not enough to break what is going so well. We bond physically and intellectually. If I'm the only one bonded emotionally ... well, more's the better for me.
Ha, and all of this ... That Dentorian confirmed everything. I will see truer dragons soon. I could never have imagined anything like this before I met her. My whole life seems to lead up to these moments that will happen in the next few days. Rescuing Megam, meeting true avatars of the Dragons ... going to Kilia?
All of this, and I can't ask for more.
